


Roses are red, blood is red, everything is red.

by espiritus



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Awkward Romance, Awkwardness, Bad Romance, Blood and Gore, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff, WTF, because that's how my little murder machine shows affection, maybe both, or rad bromance, the Caesar/Lucius bromance is back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:08:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29398143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/espiritus/pseuds/espiritus
Summary: The way to Ruby's heart is through someone else's. Literally.
Relationships: Caesar (Fallout)/Female Courier
Kudos: 4





	Roses are red, blood is red, everything is red.

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to show my two favourite scumbags some love this Valentine's Day, in honour of their quasi-incestuous age-gap relationship.
> 
> I wrote this on my phone so, if you find any unfortunate autocorrect errors, that's why. Happy v-day, profligates!

This morning at The Fort is just like any other: drums echo across the Colorado River as smoke rises from the fire pits, and the Legionaries are already making tracks for the training grounds. Everyone is up and about... well, mostly.

Caesar opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling for a moment before finally rolling out of bed. There's not enough Sunset Sarsaparilla in the entire wasteland to make him want to get up, but such is life as the Legion's _pater familias_.

He quickly dresses and makes for the throne room, where Lucius is waiting for him. But there's something else waiting for him, too: a giant deathclaw heart, so fresh that he swears it's still beating, sits in front of the throne, a combat knife sticking out of it. Surrounding the heart are a series of crudely drawn ones, also red, as though its artist painted them with blood... which, upon closer inspection, is exactly what they did.

"Do I even _want_ to know?"

Lucius looks up. "It was there when I got here. But I'm pretty sure I can guess who left it."

They glance at each other and shrug. Juliet. Of course it's from her. Who else would be dumb enough to take on a deathclaw with a combat knife, or tough enough to survive the encounter? She may not be a courier anymore, but the girl sure knows how to send a message. They'll both give her that.

"Oh, that's just great. Now I have to do something for her. But I'm not good at any of-" Caesar gestures vaguely with one hand- "this."

"It's easy," Lucius replies helpfully. "Just do something nice for her. Write her a poem, or name a plant after her. What kinds of things does she like?"

Caesar considers this for a moment. "Murder. Mayhem. Schadenfreude... She's kind of illiterate, so poetry is out. And plants, well... In case you haven't noticed, we live in the middle of a fucking desert, which means they tend to die rather quickly. Hardly the symbol of-"

"A long and beautiful relationship between two kindred spirits?" Lucius finishes, as Caesar's face turns the same violent red as the deathclaw heart that's still on the floor of the tent. "You make a good point, Sir, as always. In that case, the obvious thing would be to return the favour."

"You want me to kill a deathclaw? At my age? Are you insane?"

"Never said it had to be a deathclaw," the guard answers, with a laugh. "While I'm sure you _could_ try killing one, it's probably for the best that you don't. But I'd be willing to bet that she'd appreciate a dead NCR ranger as much as the rest of us. And it just so happens that we have one chained up under the weather station, if you know what I'm getting at."

Caesar nods and gives an affirmative _hm_ noise before deciding to check out the weather station. But, just before he leaves the tent, he turns around. 

"This had better work. And, if it doesn't, I'll cut _your_ heart out and shove it down your throat before I nail you to a cross. Degenerate."

In response, Lucius just smiles. "Have fun."

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A few minutes later, Caesar emerges from the weather station with the heart. The NCR ranger Lucius mentioned was already a few days dead, but that had just made it easier to separate the heart from all the other stuff; sure, it isn't exactly the same as taking down a giant clawed monster, but the sentiment is there.

He finds Juliet by the docks, splashing her feet in the water and singing a rather explicit version of Ain't That A Kick In The Head as Cursor Lucullus glares at her from a safe distance. She isn't much of a singer, of course- her voice is high-pitched and nasal, like a baby gecko with a head cold... if geckos could get head colds. _Can_ geckos get head colds? He's not sure, but it's time to get this over with. So, once Lucullus' back is turned, he walks over to where she's sitting and drops the heart directly in her lap before sneaking back to the tent. She'll know it was him. But, if anyone else caught wind of this, he'd be laughed all the way back to the Boneyard, like the idiot he is. 

He's about halfway back to the top of the hill when Lucius appears to pull him into cover, and they watch from behind a pile of rocks as she tosses the heart back and forth between her hands to the beat- pun intended- of her latest musical number, a sadistic grin on her face. She's adorable, really, but in a scary sort of way- kind of like a baby mole rat, all softness and innocence, until it tries to gnaw someone's leg off. And, while she may not have any intentions of biting off his limbs anytime soon, she's made him vulnerable in other ways. 

It's strange and uniquely terrifying, giving another person the power to destroy everything he's ever built. But, if he's honest with himself, he supposes there are worse ways to go.


End file.
